Tag Archive | Advice

Are You Listening?

I’m quite certain that most of you have heard the phrase: “There’s a reason why God gave you two ears and only one mouth.” Or something along that line!

If you’re like me, you can probably think of times when you only listened to part of what someone had to say and jumped to conclusions before the person finished their thoughts. OR… you were on the other end of that situation. You were trying with all your might to explain your point of view on something, but the person you were talking to cut you off mid-sentence–or shut you out entirely.

One incident immediately comes to my mind! It happened around twenty-five years ago, but it has stuck with me all this time.

I consider myself a good driver. Knock on wood, I’ve never gotten a ticket. Yes, those of you who know me well have heard my story about wrecking my driver’s ed car, but hey… I was in training! That didn’t count. I’m grinning, but this is a true fact. That accident–totaling the teacher’s car–never went on my record. So, to this day, I have a very clean driving record. I’d like to keep it that way!

Now, back to my story… That awful incident at the now-gone Bellevue Mall.

I worked at the mall back then. I knew the roads in and out of the parking lot very well. There was an entrance where the person coming into the mall had the right of way. People who were driving the road that circled the mall itself had to stop (yes, there were stop signs) for the incoming traffic. I’d entered the parking lot that way many times, and I was cruising right along, ready to turn onto the road that circled the lot. I did NOT have a stop sign.

Well, on that fated day, I cruised in, only to be blasted by a series of horn-honks coming from an irate driver who assumed I should have stopped. I knew I was in the right. She was supposed to wait at her stop sign and let me pass. Well, she followed me, screaming profanities out her window. I, too, stopped and tried to explain to her that I had no stop sign, but she was yelling too much to hear me. Hate-rays gleamed from her wide eyes, and the words coming from her mouth would have made a sailor blush.

Well, I knew that anything I had to say would go unheard. She wasn’t about to have me calmly explain that I was right and she was wrong. I felt bad that I upset her, but what more could I do? I took off driving again, parked to go in to work, and hoped she wouldn’t come after me with a pitchfork.

I’ve often wondered if she ever found out that incoming traffic didn’t have a stop sign. I’ll never know.

Anger often makes people shut off their ears and open their mouths. Sadly, we see that a lot nowadays. I find it sad that people can’t just talk about their differences and opt to scream instead. I believe in my heart that deep down inside, we all want the same thing. A peaceful way for everyone to go about their daily lives and be happy.

My husband and I should know each other very well by now after being married almost thirty years, but we still have communication issues. I believe that part of it is that we’re so comfortable with each other that we assume we know what the other person is thinking. Not a wise thing to do! So, we make a great effort to really listen. Jumping to conclusions can lead to a lot of problems!

He does have legitimate hearing issues and (to my joy) got hearing aids about a year ago. Up until that point, I was amazed at what he thought people were saying on TV. Sometimes, his interpretation made a show more comical. Other times–especially where news was concerned–his misunderstanding could have been borderline dangerous. There are some things that demand facts and not assumptions.

But even without genuine hearing impairments, are we really listening? Do we take the time to think about everything being told to us? When in conversation, do our minds wander?

And what about the ‘nice’ sounds that the world has to offer? How long has it been since you’ve gone out into nature and really listened?

One thing I miss about the first home my husband and I owned is the creek than ran behind it. We lived on six acres, partially wooded. At night, there were so many sounds coming from the direction of that creek. Frogs croaking, crickets chirping, owls hooting. It was awesome! In our current home, we have a wooded area behind our house, but there are many other homes around us and it’s not as serene as it was at that first house. Noises include things not quite as pleasant–like revving engines and one particular neighbor who sometimes likes to play their music excessively loud. Still, we love it here. It’s home, and it has its own charm!

When we want to really enjoy nature, we like to go to Cades Cove in the Smokies. We try and make it an anniversary trip every year. We went earlier this month, and for the first time, it was raining when we visited the cove. We still saw a lot of wildlife–they didn’t seem to mind the rain–but we kept our windows rolled up to keep from getting wet! Here’s a photo from a previous trip when it wasn’t raining and we had our windows down.

I often hear people say children nowadays are having a more difficult time communicating, since so much of what they do is typed. Talking and listening are a huge part of what makes us who we are, so I hope that all of the amazing technology we have won’t change that. Face-to-face interaction is so important, and I’m not talking about facetime on a screen.

I challenge everyone to have a good conversation with someone today. Take turns talking and listening. And after that, take a walk and attune your ears to what’s around you. Let me know what you hear!

Becoming Our Parents

I’m sure you’ve seen the great commercials on TV about people who are becoming their parents. I laugh at the ads because I can completely relate to them.

I don’t know when the transition takes place, but it definitely happens. Not only in the things we do, but for me, I see the transformation in the mirror. So often, my mom smiles back at me. I have many of her mannerisms, and when we talk on the phone, we frequently sound alike. We have the same vocal tones, and we oftentimes sigh or laugh at the same time and sound identical.

So, there’s the physical transformation, but what about the mental transformation? When do we start behaving like “old fogies.” Even that dated term validates what I’m saying. When I was young, I felt so up-to-date and “in-the-now.” When my parents did something silly or forgetful, I’d just chalk it up to their age. Now I’m the one doing ridiculous things and forgetting what day of the week it is.

I suppose it has everything to do with the brain. As we age, we process things differently. And, we considerably slow down. We wake with aches in our bodies that we can’t explain and groan with that first step we take out of bed.

I guess what surprises me the most is my change in attitude. Things I used to think were funny or entertaining on TV, I see now as dumb. I get frustrated when I drive down the road and have to listen to the loud thumping of the music coming from the car next to me. As a youth, I likely would’ve thought it was cool. So, yes, I’m becoming an old person. Sigh . . .

On the bright side, I have so many stories to tell. With all the years I’ve lived, (boy, I’m really sounding ancient!), I’ve accumulated massive amounts of life experiences. I feel I’m capable of giving my children and grand-children advice from all that life-lived knowledge. The same kind of advice my parents gave me. I may have thought some of the things they told me were foolish, but I’ve come to realize that they were usually right. (And if you’re reading this now, Mom and Dad, don’t gloat!)

I’m blessed that my parents are still living. I can go to them when I need to talk, and I continue to listen to their advice. They’ve inspired me time and again! I pray that I can do the same for my children, and that they’ll always turn to this “old person” whenever they need me. Besides, I count on them to help me manage all the difficulties I face with every new-fangled gadget that’s released. I’m still learning new ways to fully use my phone. It took me until about three years ago to part with my flip-phone. (Should I be hiding my head in embarrassment?)

The photo above is me and my dad at the zoo in 2019, and the one to the right is my Mom at her 80th birthday celebration in 2018. Unfortunately, they live a great distance from me, but in that respect, I’m grateful for my new-fangled phone. We can talk as long as we want and we don’t have to incur hefty long-distance charges! If you’re as old as I am, you’ll remember the days when it was cheaper to call after 7:00 p.m. It’s nice not to have to worry about the time of day when making a call.

Going back even farther in time, do you recall the days of party lines? No, they had nothing to do with politics! Households had shared telephone lines, and you could pick up your phone and hear your neighbor talking to someone. Of course, if they knew you were on the line interrupting their call, you’d get fussed at. Rightfully so!

I appreciate the advancement in technology, but I often miss the good ol’ days. The new phones have great benefits, but it makes me sad to see so many people with their faces glued to their phones. They’re missing out on the real world before them. So, please, take it from this old fogey. Put your phone down and look at what’s around you, and if you’re in a restaurant, talk to the person you’re there with, not the one on your screen.

From someone who loves to write historical fiction, take the time to enjoy the simplicities in life. A walk in the woods, a picnic by a lake, watching the sun set (or rise), or enjoying a board game with your family. (The old-fashioned, non-electronic type).

We’ve seen our share of frustrating times this past year, but never lose hope! Life is good!

God bless you all!